She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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