Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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