You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
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