dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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