She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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