what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
