I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
