Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
