i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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