Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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