i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
