when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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