just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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