please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
