he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
