I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
