Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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