And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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