Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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