He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
