Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
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