Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
