Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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