she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
