sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
