i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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