Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
