do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
