the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
