Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Two words: blizzard sex
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
