you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
