WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
