no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
