I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
