this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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