Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
