I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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