You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
