I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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