p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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