It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
