HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
