tell your sister to shave her snatch
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
