like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
