somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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