youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
