I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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