1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
