Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Randomize
