I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
