Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I supernannyed him into submission
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
